How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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