1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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