She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
