sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
