I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
