Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
