Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
