3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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