And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
