i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
