My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
