I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
