Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
