You work out of a Hotel?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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