there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
