So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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