Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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