So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
