I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize