He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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