goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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