I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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