I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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