Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
