I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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