toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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