Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
