I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Princesses don't give blow jobs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your cock deserves a montage
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
