The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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