Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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