Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
