I wish my penis had an off switch
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
