I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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