Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
