just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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