We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
