well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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