we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
