I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
