does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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