Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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