I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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