There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
