This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize