One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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