its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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