yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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