Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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