what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
