Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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