He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
