I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
