New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
