Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
