note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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