I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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