umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
