He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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