Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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