He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
