At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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