Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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