eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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