I bet he comes in French.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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