so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
