he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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