You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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