You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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