i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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